And the wheels really do just keep turning…

…for everyone. I started writing this blog to help me make a record of Mr R’s cancer (I was going to say illness then!) and also just have a place where I could verbalise some feelings, but was perturbed by some weird internet stuff, which stopped me continuing with it. This did actually make me feel like I had let people down, those people who even though I don’t know, had offered me support across the internet-waves, so to you, please accept my apologies.

So why am I back?

Well two reasons (hang on, let me just get my drink), or maybe three actually. Firstly, gosh how times flies – Teengirl is in university and is SO amazing and the boy is such a lovely young man – he is Teenboy now, just wanted to put that out there! Secondly, Mr R told a friend of his about this blog and so I thought it was only polite of me to bring it up to date and say hello to them – Hello!!! 🙂

And thirdly, well things cancer-wise have moved on. Mr R has had a bit of a rough ride this year – 2018 – and is currently recovering from surgery to remove a third of his right lung. We were at the oncologist’s today as it happens, nothing much to report, another scan and see her again on the 4th January 2019. Gosh that means we are nearly four years in. Gosh. I wish I could tell you all about the amazing things I have learnt in the mean time which have made me oh-so wise and zenlike. Hmm. Nope, we are still just one little family. I think we are calmer, more accepting, less panicable (is that a word?, wordpress says no) just trying to make the most of stuff xx

So the wheels really do keep turning, maybe soon I will be able to fill you in a bit more soon, and thank you for all your kind comments before xxx

 

And how the wheels keep turning…

So long since I was here….

After a wonderful, if occasionally tearful, few sunny days away in Cliburn, I returned to a family totally unharmed by my absence. 

Since then, we have had the BEST news possible, a scan showing the lymph nodes unchanged, and consultations confirming no treatment needed before the end of the summer!!!!

Of course, August will bring a repeat of the scan, once every three months for the foreseeable, but no treatment needed this summer!!! It makes my heart skip every time I say it 🙂

I said my thank yous at the ancient temple of Gaia upon which the Tholos of Athena was built in Delphi x 

 

Can’t sleep won’t sleep

So here is the thing, we have been enjoying a period of calm, healthy food, early  nights and now the Easter hols for the squibs. Unfortunately small boy can’t sleep, a combination of irritating unnecessary stress put on him by school about his SATS ( grr, don’t get me started on that nonsense!) and worry about his Dad, understandable, all ideas v gratefully received xx

But here is really my thing tonight, tomorrow I am off with two of my most beloved friends for our annual two night jaunt. This ritual began many moons ago before any of us had children, was rested when they were tiny, and was then resumed in 2007 to celebrate my 40th birthday, and we have saved for and enjoyed a couple of days away together every since. We have been to France, little haven, Ghent, Ludlow, Amsterdam, Oxford, Bath..morecambe…. many places but always the same amazing time. 

This year we are heading to Cumbria, less than two hours from home for me, but I’m so scared. Jase is well at the moment, but I’m feeling nervous. My head is chocka with ‘what ifs’ of a million kind, I really don’t want to be away from my babes, so tonight I’m with small boy. Can’t sleep won’t sleep. Mine is also fuelled by my ‘mother hen’ instinct, you see if I am up then nothing bad can happen to any one in this house, untrue and exhausting I know, but too primal to change, so wish me luck, cos I’m not off to bed xx

Crazy day

So here is the thing, I think today has been one of my worse. Selfishly, just for me. That sounds so bad. Jase has had a tricky couple of days, nasty open ‘oooo Dad I can see your insides’ days, but today has been the worst for me. Small boy and I spent the weekend packing for his week away with school, he has been SO excited. Cut to hail laiden sky, the bus arriving and him falling in the mud before getting on the bus, these little things we have learned, are the ones which send you over the edge. So there is we, me and my boy, weeping and trying to find trousers from his so neatly packed bag in the council toilets, him ” I wanna go but I can’t bear to leave Dad so poorly and you so you” and my trying to joke about not making me cry (ha ha), and having to post him in the bus all teary and red eyed and embarressed. Cut to ten minutes later when I am talking to a friend whose elderly and demented Mother is facing major surgery she is unlikely to survive, and then to me rushing to get a coffee machine to a service (?) via the pet shop and the chemist because Teengirl needs shampoo and fish food (she has no fish as far as I knew, but who knew, she acquired some at break!) F**king hell!!! Back home to find Jase making coffee for someone who had come to see how he was but  actually spent two HOURS telling  how awful his own life was, unbelievable. I sat in the front room gently weeping.  Crazy day. We knew we would have them, just weren’t expecting so many in the course of four hours!!! 

So, predictably, Teengirl breezed back home and lifted my spirits like a glass of Sancerre on a sunny day by the sea, laughed at my pain, grounded my fury, and all was well in Robinson Towers again. 

I am so lucky, crazy day, night all xx

Oh PS we have a date for next meeting, 16 March, gonna have to put that in a box till then xx