Calm, grumpiness and Jerusalem

So the boy is home, tired, smelly, but home and full of stories of fencing, climbing, canoeing, sailing, cycling, midnight walking, and helping friends struggling with homesickness. He was made up that Jase was able to be there to meet the bus, we all went for tea in the pub after, it was lovely. We have had a quiet week at home, a bit weepy for me, me working and him upstairs in bed, Teengirl nailed her grade 5 theory exam (we hope!), anyway it is done. Piano practical next week. Jase has been getting better every other day, one day of feeling better and doing a bit more, then the next day zonked out again. But getting better all the same. A little shuffle to the shop for the paper and chat with folks along the way. A trip for a pint to watch the match. So we are calm, he is grumpy when he is tired though, I think we can live with that. But we are happy in each other’s company, all of us. We have become kinder to each other, slower to criticise, we have more time to listen and take account of each other. Juggling everyday events to get everything done is proving tricky, but I’m judging success by everyone being safely home in bed by the end of the day, having (hopefully) done their stuff.

This evening we had our WI committee meeting here, it was really lovely to see everyone, hear their news, accept their help (and homemade icecream – wow!), I think I will go to the meeting on Wednesday. It is a joy to be part of such a fab group of women.

Next Monday is still in a box, keeps trying to escape, raising its lid every now and then, but not able to give away any clues. Gonna stick a brick on it.

Oh, the fire has gone out, night all xx

Someone has stolen my brain

Someone stole my brain in the night last night. I feel like it is totally absent. So I have taken to writing myself detailed daily schedules, with timings for everything, as I’m sure otherwise everyday will be like today, including periods of standing and not having a clue what I’m supposed to be doing next.

Last Friday night Jase had another bleed and had to be readmitted. I ended up calling an ambulance as I had had some wine (ARGH!!! – I hate that guilt fairy). It was so horrible seeing him in so much pain and discomfort. Luckily the children were sleeping and we had some of his family staying, so Stef could go with him.

He was home by Monday night and had a good nights sleep. Tuesday was pre-op. It was all fine, but totally floored him, in an ‘oh my goodness, there is nothing to do to change what is happening’ kind of a way. I can remember feeling like that when I went into labour with Teengirl – the ‘this is going to happen whether I like it or not’ feeling.

So now things are a bit calmer, I took the squibs to the local cancer care day centre, so they could discover what support there is there for them. Went OK I think, apart from me weeping continuously, choking on my brew and having to leave the room to puke. Teengirl is dining out on this, told everyone in the pub where Jase was having his tea with a friend who had popped up from Oxfordshire to see him today. She was in fits of hysteria. I love her so much 🙂

Jase and the small boy have gone to bed now, I just need to grow a new brain by the morning, big day at work tomorrow, night all xx

On the up side….

Had a lovely morning, we both woke early and enjoyed a brew in bed before the squibs came to join us. A hang over free Saturday morning, don’t think I’ve had one of those since I was pregnant!!!

Talking of the squibs, how do you tell your children their Dad has cancer? How do you make sure they understand what’s going on? How can you be sure they are OK? What about when they are at school? What are they thinking? What are they telling their friends? Do they think he is going to die? As Jase was in hospital, it was down to me to tell them the news on Wednesday after school. It went OK, but only I think because it didn’t really sink in. In the days following, small boy has reacted with bouts of non-compliance, not sure about my beautiful teengirl. I think that she is OK. She has asked questions, taken on board information, spent a lot of time with her friends, and asked if Granny can come and stay. My plan with them both is to be ever vigilant, whilst trying to maintain normality in their lives, – wish me luck!!!